A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental health institute :
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have a bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you. :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
